This story needs a little background to fully appreciate the actual birth. My own mother had a homebirth with my youngest sister, Savanah, when I was ten years old. For most of my life, I remember my mom telling her story of how much better her homebirth experience was than her two hospital birth experiences. As a young adult, I was drawn to articles and information about homebirth because of my mom’s positive experience. Through reading, research, and many conversations with other moms who had their babies at home, I learned about the safety of homebirth, as well the different approach and perspective of homebirth midwives. I also became fully committed to a natural childbirth. I had no doubt in my mind that I wanted to give birth to my children at home. When I became pregnant with Jedidiah, I contacted the midwife in our area with the best reputation, and I never looked back. My first pregnancy was filled with reading about pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and parenting. In retrospect, I may have focused less on the actual birth than on the other areas I just mentioned. In any case, my first birth ended up being a long and difficult experience. I did give birth to Jedidiah at home, completely naturally. The actual birth was beautiful, life-changing, and created a special bond between Jedidiah and me. Unfortunately, the labor lasted over 3 days, in which I often felt stuck and confused. Despite my own victory in the end, I felt like I had floundered with my own commitment and had been weak and fearful. Because of the beautiful, healthy birth of Jedidiah, I let these feelings remain mostly unprocessed. When I became pregnant with little Lilia and began thinking about her birth, the feelings and fears resurfaced and processing them, as well as preparing for another labor, became a main focus of this pregnancy.
Josh and I moved to Chicago at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy with Lilia. We did not realize that Illinois is a state that is generally unfriendly toward homebirth. By God’s amazing provision, Josh had an old friend here who was married to a woman very involved in the Chicago homebirth community. At the time that we moved to Chicago, only 3 midwives were legally practicing homebirth in the entire state! Thanks to this friend (Anna), we were able to find a homebirth midwife, despite the fact that they were already booked this late in my pregnancy. In the end, we felt fully supported with 2 midwives, 2 midwife assistants, and Anna as our doula – not to mention several wonderful back-up midwives at a hospital! I was surrounded (sometimes too much!) by wonderful practitioners! One of our midwives also taught an amazing natural childbirth class. Josh and I had not gotten to attend such a class in small-town Clovis. We met other parents committed to natural childbirth, and we learned SO much about childbirth in general. Mary (the midwife) showed us something like 50 births on video, and gave us all of the latest research findings. Our final class included scenarios in which we played the role of the midwife – deciding what we would do in various situations. I really feel thoroughly informed after Mary’s amazing class. She also spent time attending to our own fears and emotions about birth - one class was kind of like a group counseling session. That class was very important for me as I began to process my first birth experience.
I spent a great deal of time at home preparing for the birth, too. I wrote a journal of Scriptures, pain-coping techniques, encouraging thoughts, and prayers for Josh and me to use during labor. I spent a whole day praying over the labor and asking God to be present with me. My neighbor, who also had a homebirth, came over and prayed with me. During that prayer time, God gave me the words “You are strong enough for this” – which became my mantra throughout labor. Josh and I would pray together often that I would be able to face this birth with strength and without fear. We put our trust in God – that He made my body capable of birthing my baby and that through the pain of childbirth would come amazing joy and triumph.
Well, God answered our prayers! On the morning of April 6th, I felt like I was having period cramps – not real contractions, but definitely a different feeling. Josh decided to go to work, with the understanding that I might call him to come home sometime that day. We called the midwives just to give them a heads up – they said to call back when I could no longer talk through a contraction. I was home alone with Jedidiah and started to have stronger contractions – about every 3-5 minutes apart. I was feeling strong and using my breathing and awareness techniques. I explained the contractions to Jedidiah as “surges” that would help me to push baby sister out. I asked him to be quiet when a surge would come. Between surges, he and I would dance and play. (One of my encouraging thoughts in my journal was to see the breaks between contractions as God giving me a chance to rest.) Because the contractions were getting stronger and closer together, I called Josh to come home around 12:30. I also called Anna, my doula, to come over. Jedidiah and I ate lunch together. Oh yeah, I was feeling industrious that morning and made hard-boiled eggs to have on hand, home-made granola, and a pot of beans!
At about 2:00pm, Jedidiah went over to stay with friends down the street. He took his special overnight bag with wrapped presents for him to open while we were separated from him. This was actually Jedidiah’s first time to stay the night away from both Josh and me. After Jedidiah left, Anna and Josh aired up the birth pool, so that it would be ready to fill with water when it was time. Then, Anna went to the store to pick up a few items we needed. I tried to rest for a little while, but the contractions were too strong for me to sleep. My contractions had spread out to about 5-7 minutes apart when Josh and Anna had arrived. I ate a peanut butter sandwich at about 3:00, because I was feeling a little hungry. When Anna got back, we realized that we did not have a shower curtain to put under our sheets for protecting our mattress from getting messed up during the birth process. Josh had some shower curtains he had used for drop-cloths back at his art studio. I decided to take a walk with him to go get one of them. (His studio is about a block and a half from our house.) Fresh air sounded really nice. On the way out the door, I had my strongest contraction, yet. I breathed through it successfully and still decided to go on our little walk. Our walk probably took 5 times longer than normal because we kept having to stop for contractions. But, I was really happy to be outside with just Josh. Just a fun side note: we live in a third floor apartment, and, near the end of this pregnancy, Josh has often said, “One day you’ll walk up these steps pregnant and then walk back down them not pregnant anymore.” As we walked up the stairs that afternoon, we both felt pretty certain that this was the day!
When we got home, Anna said that one of the midwives had called and wanted me to talk to her on the phone while I was having a contraction. I was kind of nervous about what to say on the phone during a contraction, but I called her back. From our conversation, she decided that it was time for her to come. I really did not think so – after having had such a long birth the last time, I figured this baby wouldn’t come until at least the next day. Sarah (the midwife who had called) arrived at our house around 4:30 or 5:00pm. She wanted to check me (I have always hated getting checked). Her quick exam was almost painless, though, and she declared that I was very soft and already a good 7 or 8 centimeters dilated. I was shocked!! It took me days to get to this point last time. Meanwhile, Anna had been filling up the birth pool and getting it to the perfect temperature, and I decided I would like to labor in the water for awhile. I had no intention of giving birth in the water, but the water helps to ease the pain of the contractions. Josh put on his bathing suit and climbed in with me. The water was soothing and a great place to labor for awhile. We had called Mary (the other midwife) to come, too. We found out the midwife assistant we had met with was unavailable at this time, so Sarah asked if it would be okay to invite a different one who lived close by. Anna knew this other woman and thought that I would like her a lot. I agreed that it would be great for her to come. Incidentally, when she arrived, I was going to the bathroom and completely naked – what a strange way to meet a new friend! This woman’s name was Dori, and she turned out to be a great blessing due to her insights and giftedness in massage therapy. By about 6:00, the whole team was there. [Another side note: When Mary arrived, the first thing she said to me was “You look so cute!” Anna had also been telling me that I still looked beautiful at this point. How wonderful that these amazing ladies could see me as beautiful at such a time!] An hour or so before this, Sarah had thought that my labor was moving quickly enough that I would have the baby by this time, but things began to stall.
When I did not seem to be progressing for an hour or more, Sarah wanted to check my dilation. At this point I was about 9 centimeters dilated and the baby’s head was still high in the pelvis. Sarah suggested that Josh and I spend some time together alone – with the idea that having all the people around may be slowing down my labor. I was discouraged that I was still not fully dilated. Up to this point, I think that I actually enjoyed the labor process. I felt supported and even somewhat in control. Josh was right by my side helping me through each contraction. My mantra of “I am strong enough for this” seemed to give me strength at the most difficult point of each contraction. At this point, I began trying every suggestion the midwives could offer. I squatted while contracting to help them do more work. I did several contractions over the toilet. I tried taking a shower. I tried vocalizing and not vocalizing. Josh and I even tried kissing – a favorite trick of the famous Ina May Gaskin! Finally, I ended up in the bedroom with Josh, praying and crying out to God to make that last centimeter go away. Nothing worked. I was stuck at a 9 for about four hours – the transition phase is not a fun place to be stuck! I definitely felt like I was at the end of my rope. Again, Sarah encouraged me to go be alone with Josh for awhile and rest. They were worried that I was getting exhausted – causing the contractions to reduce in strength. I should mention, too, that they were all always trying to get me to eat or drink something to keep my energy up. They were constantly bringing juice, keifer, water, popsicles, etc. to my mouth. I’m sure this helped me to remain strong throughout labor.
At this point, I collapsed on the bed and began talking with Josh. In a moment of clarity, I explained to him that what I experienced with the last birth was something close to trauma. I had felt so stuck and afraid. I told him that as important as natural birth is to me, it is not worth the trauma. I decided right there that if I truly reached that point of being stuck, then I would go to the hospital. I got up from the bed and walked into the living room where all the ladies were waiting and talking. I told them about my last birth and about how I was scared to be stuck again. As I talked, the contractions, of course, kept coming. I was standing up, supported by Josh on one side and rotating midwives on the other. During each contraction, Josh and the midwife would press my belly in to push Lilia over my cervix and cause dilation. All I could do was make it through each of those contractions – no techniques, no approach – just making it through. I continued to talk about my fears and discuss between contractions the point at which I would go to the hospital. Dory talked with me and massaged my back. As I talked that last centimeter melted away. After a handful of contractions, Mary checked me quickly, and I was ready to push. I had read that sometimes a psychological barrier will keep a person from dilating, and I feel certain that this was the case with me.
Shortly thereafter, I began pushing in that same position. Amazingly, my bag of waters was still intact, something the midwives prefer. An intact bag of waters helps to cushion contractions, reducing pain; and, allowing the water to break naturally helps to prevent complications such as a prolapsed cord. Also, I was able to feel Lilia’s head at this point, which was a special moment after feeling like I might be stuck. After 15 or 20 minutes of pushing, I was beginning to get light-headed. We all moved to the bedroom, and I lay down on the bed. The ladies continued bringing me juice and popsicles to strengthen me. They wanted me to rest for a little while, but the pushing contractions were so strong that I could not handle them without pushing. Mary rolled a sheet into a rope that I could pull on to help me push harder during contractions. Sarah checked me to see if it would be a good idea to break the water at this point, and she still felt like it would be better for it to break naturally. One of my favorite moments during labor was when Mary said, “You have such a hearty bag!” This comment had us all laughing. A few contractions later, I pushed hard enough to break my water – hitting all the midwives but mostly my sweet Josh! We would laugh a lot about this later. What a great husband!
By this time, it was after 11:00 pm. I was beginning to feel a little frustrated again. I kept saying, “You guys, I just don’t know if I can do this!” In a bit of a panicked state, I got up off the bed and hurried to the bathroom. Another contraction came quickly, and I dropped down to my knees and began pushing with my hands against the bathtub. Josh was in our teeny tiny bathroom with me, and all the midwives rushed in behind me. With few options, one of the midwives grabbed Josh’s pillow to put under me so the baby wouldn’t hit the floor. (Again, what a great husband I have – and, thanks for buying him a new pillow, mom!) In a few seconds, Lilia was crowning, and, before long, her head was out. The midwives firmly told me to get down on all fours, and Lilia was born with the next two pushes. I contend that this part of labor doesn’t really hurt at all – I was just so happy she was actually coming. And, I was determined not to stop once I felt her crowning. My dream had been to be the one to pick up my own baby, so, when the midwives indicated, I reached down and picked up my Lilia Mercy. From that moment on, I was so happy! Despite the blood on the bathroom floor, the placenta yet to deliver, the tired muscles – everything was right in the world. I just laid down right there on the bathroom floor and held my baby girl. The cord stopped pulsing before long and I pushed the placenta out easily. I even cut the cord myself – the ladies all said I had earned it! Mary reminded me that just over an hour earlier I had been negotiating a transfer to the hospital. My pushing had only lasted 45 minutes – down from 4 hours with Jedidiah! I had no tearing or hemorrhoids! The ladies helped to wash me up and get me to the bed. Lilia was a determined little nurser – what a blessing! I listened as everyone bustled about the house cleaning up and cooking Josh and me a big plate of scrambled eggs and toast. Lilia weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20 in. long. She already had chubby cheeks at birth!
One more funny piece of information – Josh and Andy (Anna’s husband) had the task of draining the birth pool. Unfortunately, the only way they could make it work was to drain it out of our third story window! Luckily, it was the middle of the night, and I don’t think anyone ever knew!
This birth was such a victory for me. I feel overwhelmingly happy that my body knew exactly what to do and that I was able to birth my baby myself. I went into labor myself (my midwife stripped my membranes last time), I broke the bag of waters myself (my midwife broke my bag last time), I pushed based on my own urge to push and with my own strength (last time I had a shot of pitocin), and I even cut the cord myself! I feel strong and alive as a result of this amazing experience. I praise the Lord for helping me at each step and for entrusting us with this precious little life! Birthing baby Lilia took everything I had, and it was definitely worth it!
The next morning, Josh walked down to our neighbors’ house and picked up Jedidiah. The friends who were watching him said that he showed great honor for a 2-year old. He had wanted to come home, but had agreed to stay with them in order to help his mommy and daddy. Jedidiah was thrilled to meet his baby sister. He called out to me as soon as he walked into our apartment: “I want to meet baby sister.” He giggled with delight when he saw her for the first time. And he just kept giggling as he touched her and held her for the first time – SO sweet! Blessings on top of blessings! We give thanks and praise to God for His beautiful gifts!
